


stars with sunlight: let's call you in the moonlight

by cute_lil_fluff



Series: ot4 pu: channie [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Separation Anxiety, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 03:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15476775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cute_lil_fluff/pseuds/cute_lil_fluff
Summary: “Channie, I need you to breathe, alright? Can you do that for me?” Junhui asks, surprising himself at how stable his voice sounds. Chan whines and shakes his head. “You can, Channie. We've done this before, we can do it again.”





	stars with sunlight: let's call you in the moonlight

Chan is not having a good day. In fact, it’s been downright terrible. Every time he turns around, something seems to go wrong, and the stress of it all has been steadily building on his shoulders since he woke up.

In the mornings, Chan is usually anxious to start his day. As a light sleeper, he has no issues waking up to the sound of the alarm on Junhui’s phone. If anything, he’s quite the morning person. His favourite part of the day will always be waking up in the arms of one of his performance members, feeling warm and loved as soon as he opens his eyes. Junhui wakes pretty easily as well, and so they tend to share a short conversation and a cuddle, sometimes a few kisses, before they start the task of waking Minghao and Soonyoung. This is usually an enjoyable experience, despite their complaining, and Chan always leaves their room with a smile etched onto his face and a hand in his.

This morning, though, he somehow manages to sleep through the morning call, and he wakes up alone, a feeling he is not at all fond of. He sleeps in so late, in fact, that he has to skip breakfast in favour of rushing out of the door and is, subsequently, forced to struggle through four hours of dance practice on an empty stomach.

He’s relieved when they finally reach their lunch break until he’s sent to the local convenience store on his own to get lunch for the members. He goes willingly, not wanting to cause any arguments and make his day even worse, but it gets worse despite his efforts. At the store, he runs into a sasaeng fan who deems it acceptable to shove her phone in his face and follow him around the shop, no matter how kindly he asks her for privacy. The encounter leaves him shaken and uncomfortable, his skin crawling by the time he returns to the studio.

He’s silent as he eats, not even speaking up when the members’ joking around hits a little close to home as they begin to tease him about ‘Zero.’ Rationally, he knows that it’s a joke, that they all love the song and are always proud of him, but he can’t help his thoughts manifesting into something a little darker. He lowers his head and pushes his food away before excusing himself to the bathroom, locking himself in a stall and trying to remember how to breathe.

After he returns, he suddenly sensitive to everything, and everything serves to annoy him. His smiles and usual fond pandering to his hyungs stops in favour of glaring at the floorboards and getting through practice as quickly as he can. When he goes a little too hard in ‘Thanks,’ nearly slamming himself into the wall as his heart thumps in his chest and his veins fill with adrenaline, Seungcheol pulls him aside for a word.

Their leader is patient with him and is obviously concerned, but Chan isn’t having his pity. He bites back and snaps at the elder just as their manager walks into the studio. He’s berated in front of everyone for his rude and disrespectful behaviour and he’s never been more humiliated - he dances through ‘Clap’ with tears in his eyes.

A few of the members attempt to comfort him after their manager leaves, but he pushes them away. He dries his eyes with fisted hands and chews on his lower lip until he breaks skin and can taste blood on his tongue. The members leave him after that, wary of his mood, leaving him to walk alone on the way back to the dorms as they speak and joke amongst themselves. Chan keeps his eyes on the pavement, muscles clenched as he fights against the familiar haziness in his head and the fluttering in his stomach.

As soon as they get back to the dorms, Chan goes to his room, deciding that a nap is the only solution to his bad day, hoping to sleep off his agitation and growing anxiety. He only takes a minute to change out of his sweaty practice clothes before he tumbles into bed, curling up around the masses of duvet and blankets on the bed he usually shares with Soonyoung.

He’s so exhausted that he falls asleep within minutes, but when he wakes up, not only is he still tired, but he doesn’t feel any better than he did before. Sitting up from the nest of blankets he fell asleep in, he shakes his hair out of his eyes with a frown before flopping back down on his tummy, pressing his face into the nearest pillow as he’s faced with a wave of anxiety, his heart jumping into action inside his rib-cage.

He wishes, more than anything, to be wrapped up in the arms of his fellow performance members, his head on Junhui’s shoulder, Minghao’s face against his throat, Soonyoung’s nose nestled into the spot behind his ear. Instead, he’s curled up in bed on his own, and it feels like the worst type of irony. He’s surrounded by the scent and feel of his favourite people, the room that usually brings him so much comfort simply by being in it, but it’s useless when his members aren’t with him. He just feels lonely. As tears make his eyes sting, he takes the executive decision that he shouldn’t be on his own right now.

He rolls out of bed in a puddle of limbs, feet half asleep from being horizontal for so long. It takes a moment for Chan to find his bearings, always a little disorientated after he sleeps in the middle of the day. The difference being that he usually has someone holding his waist, or at least his hand, whenever he wakes up to keep him from falling on his face.

His mind suddenly reminds him of how rude he was to his hyungs earlier and he’s suddenly less angry that he woke up alone for the second time in one day, not surprised that they didn’t want to be around him. Chan bites at his lower lip as he pulls his blanket around his shoulders, apprehensive about seeking out his members, afraid that they may push him away or further chastise him for his actions.

Regardless, the tightness in his chest urges him to find them anyway, and so his rational side wins out and he shuffles his way into the living room. Junhui, Hansol, Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Seungcheol are all lounging across the sofas and the armchair, an old drama playing on the telly, the volume low - Chan hesitates slightly at the sight of their leader.

He ignores the prickling feeling on the back of his neck and moves to stand behind Junhui where he’s sat on the sofa, leaning down to wrap his arms around the elder’s neck. Jun jumps a little at the sudden contact but quickly turn his head to press a kiss against Chan’s cheekbone.

“Feeling better, pumpkin?” Junhui asks, his voice soft, matching the still atmosphere of the room. Chan bites down on his lip again as he shakes his head.

“Where are Minghao and Soonyoung?” Chan asks, guided by his body’s longing to be surrounded by his closest members. He misses them, even if it hasn’t been long since he last saw them. Chan tries to mask the tremor in his voice, but he can tell that Junhui has noticed. He’s too used to recognising the early signs of an anxiety attack to miss it.

“Hao-hao’s with Mingyu and Wonwoo in their room, and Soonyoung’s still at the studio with Jihoon.” Junhui looks guilty as he says it, knowing that it will only serve to make Chan feel worse, hating to be the bearer of bad news. Chan’s face drops and he presses his nose into Junhui’s hair to distract himself. It’s not that Chan has distinct separation anxiety, he usually fine being away from his members, and he had no trouble moving away from home despite being so young. Nevertheless, when he’s already worked up like this, it’s just another thing to add to his list of worries.

Junhui takes one of the boy’s hands from his chest to lead him around the sofa - Chan goes willingly when he’s pulled down onto Junhui’s lap. Jun rubs gentle circles into Chan’s chest and rests his chin on his shoulder, trying to get him feeling comfortable. Chan brings his legs up to fold himself in half, socked feet propped up on his hyung’s knees.

“Are you okay?” Junhui asks, but Chan doesn’t say anything - instead, he turns his head to nuzzle at Junhui’s cheek, giving away that he’s far from ‘okay.’

As the knot in Chan’s chest grows steadily tighter, he slumps further and further down in Jun’s lap until he’s lying splayed across his thighs, his face hidden against the elder’s hip. Jun keeps his hands on Chan, one in his hair, nails scratching gently at his scalp, the other one running softly over the back of Chan’s neck, fingertips coaxing goosebumps to raise up on the skin.

It's almost an hour later when the tightness in Chan's chest becomes painful and his head is flooded with questions. Rationally, he knows the answer to most of them and he knows that he has no reason to freak out, but he isn't exactly thinking rationally right now. Chan kneels up on the sofa next to Junhui, his face meeting his hands.

_Why is Soonyoung still at the studio this late? Why isn't he back yet? What's happened to him? Why isn't he with me? Why isn't he here to make me feel better? He knows that I feel awful, where is he? What's happened to keep him from being here? Where is he? Where is he? Where is he?_

Chan is so lost in his own head that he doesn't realise Jun's sat up next to him and talking to him until his hands are being pulled from where he buried them in his hair. _When had he done that?_

“Oh no, Channie. Don’t do that, baby, you’re hurting yourself. Come here, look at me.” Junhui attempts to keep his words slow and steady, to keep up the semblance of calm he’s trying to exude, but he doesn’t do a great job. He’s never been good at masking his feelings, especially when he’s this worried. He caresses Chan’s cheeks with the soft pads of his thumbs as he waits for the boy’s fleeting eyes to focus on him, sighing sadly when he sees they are glistening with tears.

“Junnie~” Chan whines as the rate of his breathing begins to pick up, his chest heaving as his head spins with the sound of blood rushing by his ears. Junhui shushes him gently, pulling him closer to his chest and running his palm up and down the length of Chan’s spine, doing all he can to calm the boy down, but knowing that it probably won’t work to a great enough extent - they’ll just have to ride this out.

“You’re alright, doll. Everything’s okay. I’ve got you.” Chan chokes on a sob, pressing himself closer to Jun’s body, face hidden tightly in the dip between his neck and shoulder, the fabric of his T-shirt gradually being saturated with tears.

Junhui blinks back his own tears as he presses his nose into Chan’s hair, breathing in the familiar, warm scent of his precious boy. He gently rocks them both from side to side as Chan’s fingers wind into the hem of his top, keeping Chan pressed firmly against his front as he moves them back and forth.

“Do you guys need anything?” Seungcheol asks as he appears in front of the pair, ruffling Chan’s hair fondly. Junhui smiles at him gratefully over Chan’s shoulder.

“Could you get Minghao? And ring Soonyoung. He probably won’t answer, though, so don’t push it.” Junhui subtly covers Chan’s ears by wrapping his arms around the boy’s neck, trying not to get him more worked up than he already is. Seungcheol nods before disappearing, taking the rest of the gathering members with him to give them some space.

Junhui sinks back into the sofa cushions, pulling Chan with him to sprawl across his chest. Jun rests his chin on the top of Chan’s head, one hand rubbing his back, the other laying inconspicuously on his throat, slyly keeping tabs on just how fast his pulse it getting.

*

Minghao appears within seconds, jogging down the corridor towards them. He perches on the sofa behind Chan, wrapping his arms around the boy’s middle and pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. “Channie.” He mumbles, nosing at the spot behind his ear. “What’s going on?”

Chan stutters out a garbled response that neither Junhui or Minghao can make true sense of, but they get the general gist. Soonyoung’s not here, Chan’s upset, and he doesn’t understand what’s stopping Soonyoung from coming to help him. Well, Chan probably completely understands, but Chan during an anxiety attack doesn’t. “Oh, I know baby. Soonie will be home soon.”

Chan sucks in a breath of air too quickly and chokes on it. “But-b but w-what if some-something’s ha-happened to him.” Chan stumbles over his words, curling forwards in Jun’s lap to fold in on himself; Minghao pulls him back up again, knowing how much harder it is to breathe when doubled over. He gently pins Chan to his chest, gripping his shoulders to open his chest up to make it easier to get full breaths in. Chan squirms and fidgets, being restricted heightening his anxiety, but Minghao tries his best to hold steady. They’ve talked about this; they know how to help Chan when he can’t help himself.

“I promise you he’s fine, Channie. You don’t need to worry about him. He’s just working. Can you take a deep breath for me?” Minghao’s eyes flitter up to Junhui for a second, noting his tense jaw and wide eyes, relieved when both he and Chan follow his instructions. “There you go, just breathe doll, it’s okay.” He slips his hand under the neckline of Chan’s T-shirt, fingertips tracing calmly over the line of his collarbones.

Talking to him doesn’t work for long as his anxiety continues to build. For Chan, when he feels anxious, it’s almost always going to end in a full-blown panic attack. It’s the only way for his body to be flushed of anxiety, unlike others, for example, Junhui, who can be calmed down before an anxiety attack hits. So, no matter how long Jun and Minghao spend trying to calm him down, they can’t really do that much. Nevertheless, they try, if only to keep Chan comfortable and comforted for as long as they can.

Chan begins to get restless in Junhui’s lap, squirming and fighting against Minghao’s hold on him as his skin begins to burn and his heart begins to ache. He yells a little when he breaks away from the pair, tumbling onto the floor and hitting his jaw on the edge of the coffee table. Junhui and Minghao both gasp and reach for him, but Chan keeps moving, crawling forwards until he can get to his feet.

As soon as he stands up, though, his head spins and he has to double over just to remain balanced. A scream rips out of his throat as the tightness in his chest grows impossibly stronger and he can barely breathe past it. He feels like he’s drowning, desperately trying to pull air into his burning lungs but there’s none there for him. Hands appear on his hips and shoulders, trying to hold him back, keep him safe, but he pulls away from them, shins hitting against something as he stumbles further away until his shoulder slams against the doorframe.

He screams again, feeling so incredibly powerless as his chest closes in on itself and he’s stripped of the feeling in his legs and the ability to hear past his own thoughts. He sinks to the ground, head thumping back against the wall - he can’t even tell if it hurts or not, his mind is too busy racing and making him feel sick. Tears pour from his eyes and his chest heaves up and down around stuttered pants. There's too much spinning around in Chan's mind, he can barely make sense of it all. It scares him so much to be so vulnerable and confused that he can't help but cry.

Junhui and Minghao keep their distance, Jun sat on the arm of the sofa with Minghao perched on his lap. There are certain points during his panic attacks that Chan needs physical touch and comfort, but right now he just needs his space to tire himself out - being crowded would only make him more anxious than he already is. Minghao and Junhui know this, but it doesn't make it any easier to watch him crying and hurting by himself. They're always on guard, though, in case Chan begins to crash about like he sometimes does, putting himself in danger of injury in the process.

When Chan has a panic attack, it’s bad - there’s shaking, and screaming, and crying, and vomiting. It leaves him exhausted for days afterwards, his voice hoarse and his head sore. Although Soonyoung hates watching his baby in so much pain, he knows that he’s the best at helping Chan through his attacks. Jun and Minghao are next in line, but still, Jun tends to absorb Chan’s anxiety, working himself up, and Minghao’s hesitant to be firm with Chan when he needs to, too worried about hurting their maknae.

Soonyoung’s prepared to be hit at and he’s willing to restrain Chan in his arms if it means that the boy isn’t going to hurt himself, despite how much he screams. Soonyoung hasn't been hesitant to pin him down since Chan nearly broke his wrist by slamming it down on the bathroom counter, a sickening noise that will never leave Soonyoung’s head. Soonyoung always feels incredibly guilty when he’s not with Chan during his panic attacks, knowing that it won’t be defused as quickly and harmlessly as it could have been.

Crumpled on the floor, Chan cries until his stomach turns; Jun is barely able to shove a bin between his knees before he’s throwing up. He stays at Chan’s side, rubbing circles into the dip between his collarbones and stroking away the hair that’s stuck to the sweat on his forehead. Chan lifts his hands to grip at the sides of the bin as he hunches over it, and Junhui can’t help but grimace at how hard his hands are shaking. “You’re okay, Channie-yah. It’s okay.” Junhui mumbles, although Chan probably can’t hear him, and he’d be even more surprised if he’s listening.

Minghao appears next with a damp tea towel, using it to wipe his mouth and then laying it across the back of Chan’s neck before sitting down by his side, coaxing Chan to lean against him, temple nestled against his collarbone. He’s stopped puking now, but he’s still hyperventilating, eyes squeezed shut, and Junhui is getting seriously worried that he’s going to pass out. He kicks the bin away and takes its place in front of Chan, taking his hands and meeting his eyes.

“Channie, I need you to breathe, alright? Can you do that for me?” Junhui asks, surprising himself at how stable his voice sounds. Chan whines and shakes his head. “You can, Channie. We've done this before, we can do it again.”

Chan shakes his head once more, leaning forwards, threatening to curl in on himself again. “It hurts, hyung.” He gasps out, his voice barely a fraction of the screams from earlier.

“Baby, what hurts? What hurts?” Junhui asks, suddenly panicking at the thought of their maknae in pain.

“Everything.” Chan wheezes. Junhui shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath before opening them again. He can’t freak out as well, it would only make the situation worse.

“Love, look at me. Right here, look at me.” Jun instructs as Minghao gently guides Chan’s head upwards with knuckles under his chin. “Copy me - in for four, hold for four, out for four.” Chan begins to struggle again as Jun starts to count, but Minghao holds him steady, pressing a kiss to his temple as an apology. Chan shakily follows Jun’s next set of counts, but stutters in the middle and starts coughing. Jun pauses to rub his back and feed him a sip of water, but he doesn’t give in. “Try again, baby. You’re doing so well.”

It takes almost fifteen minutes for Chan’s breathing to slow down to a reasonable level. His cheeks are flushed and damp and he’s still trembling, but he’s breathing. Jun presses a series of kisses to his forehead and cheekbones, mumbling “you’re so good, baby, that’s it, you’re doing so well” against his heated skin.

Chan whines and slumps forwards until he’s barely a puddle of limbs between Jun and Minghao, all the fight drained out of him. They leave him there for a little, hesitant to unsettle him, but Minghao startles when Chan looks up and he spots rug-burn on his cheek. “Let’s get him up, hyung. He’s hurting himself.” He says, scaring Jun until he spots the red mark as well. They carefully lift him to his feet from beneath the armpits, Seungcheol appearing from somewhere to sweep him into his arms, one beneath his knees, the other around his shoulders.

Jun takes a moment to breathe, turning to press his face into Minghao’s shoulder. Minghao’s hands squeeze at his sides and tap lightly at his ribs when Seungcheol lowers Chan onto the sofa, signalling that they still have work to do.

*

Chan looks pitiful, curled up on his side on the sofa, hands folded up under his chin. There are tear tracks on his cheeks and down his neck, and his lower lip is still wobbling a little. He looks so small and vulnerable suddenly, and it makes Minghao want to wrap him up in his arms and never let him go, protecting him from any harm or danger. He’s their maknae, he’ll always be their baby, but sometimes they forget just how young he is.

Junhui sits down on the sofa so that Chan can pillow his head on his thigh; Minghao perches cross-legged on the carpet by Jun’s feet. Minghao reaches for Chan’s blanket, that had fallen to the floor amidst his panic attack, carefully laying it over the trembling boy, tucking him in. Chan sighs contentedly as Minghao brings his hand up to his forehead, gently pushing his hair out of his eyes, brushing it back off his face with his fingers. It’s a certified fact that Chan adores having his hair played with, so Minghao continues to the back of his head, settling his arm on the boy’s shoulder so that he can gently twirl the soft strands between his fingers. Minghao can’t hold back a grin when Chan’s gaze flickers up to meet his and he tries his best to smile, although it does come out looking more like a grimace.

“How are you feeling, Channie. Do you think you’re past the worst of it?” Chan nods subtly, more than anything nuzzling his cheek against Jun’s leg. Jun lets out a shaky breath, gasping a little after, obviously not wanting to show Chan just how anxious he had become, not wanting to distract anyone from him. Channie’s the important one right now, and he doesn’t want anyone to be focusing on him instead of their maknae. Chan tries to roll over onto his back to look up at Junhui, but Jun stops him with a hand pressing on his shoulder, instead leaning down to press a kiss to Chan’s head, reassuring him that he’s alright, that he doesn’t need to be worried about.

“Just tired, hyung.” Chan mumbles against Jun’s thigh once he’s settled down again, and Minghao can’t help but coo at him, leaning forward to press a kiss against his cheekbone, then his eyelids, and then the bridge of his nose. He drops a chaste kiss to his lips, as well, when Chan juts his chin out, asking for a proper kiss.

Minghao only leans out of Chan’s space when Jeonghan appears silently behind him and taps at his shoulder, passing down a glass of water with a straw poking out the top. Minghao takes it with a grateful smile and guides the straw to Chan’s lips, only now really noticing how bitten raw they are. “Here, angel. Have some water.” Chan sips slowly, eyelids slipping shut sleepily, but he’s grateful for the relief for his raw throat, cringing at the thought of not being able to sing properly for the next few days.

That’s the problem with Chan’s anxiety attacks, they don’t only affect him as long as they last. He feels awful for at least three days after an attack, his throat sore, almost constantly nauseous, his head aching, and his body tired. His anxiety, also, doesn’t completely fade afterwards; instead, he finds it increasingly hard to sleep in the nights following one. Minghao seems to notice a change in his face as he tenses slightly, working himself up by worrying too much, and he reaches out to run his fingers through Chan’s hair once more, immediately soothing him.

“Relax, Chan-ah.” He says, tapping gently at Chan’s cheekbone when he pauses in his sips. Chan finishes half of the water before he turns his head away, nuzzling into Junhui’s lap again, the soft material of his sweats comforting to his burning skin. Minghao places the glass on the coffee table before turning back to the younger. “Try and get some sleep, angel. We’ll stay right here, and Soonie-hyung will be home before you know it.

At some point, Minghao’s back begins to twinge from being sat on the floor. Seungcheol, who’s sat behind him with Jeonghan on the coffee table, notices before even he does. He squeezes at the back of Minghao’s neck and says, “sit on the sofa, Minghao-yah, being down there’s bad for your back.” Minghao smiles up at him, pressing another kiss to Chan’s cheek before moving to the spot by the maknae’s feet, immediately feeling grateful for the cushions propping him up. Chan whines a little at his sudden absence from his field of vision but settles down when Minghao slips his fingers under the cuff of Chan’s sweats, soft fingertips squeezing at his ankle reassuringly.

Jeonghan watches on from the coffee table beside Seungcheol, but he hates just sitting there worrying, not really able to do anything to help. As much as they like to joke about it, Chan really is his littlest brother, his baby, and it physically pains Jeonghan to see him looking so … broken. After a while he decides to make himself useful, leaning forwards to stroke Chan’s hair lightly before standing and crossing the room. He washes out the bin Chan had thrown up in, makes the beds in the performance unit bedroom and checks on the other members, updating them on how Chan’s doing, before returning to the living room.

He sighs. “Did he hurt himself?” Jeonghan asks, looking down at Chan but directing his question to Junhui and Minghao. They both startle a little, having sunk into their own little bubble.

Minghao sighs. “Yeah, he smashed his chin on the table.” He says as Junhui’s hand drifts down to the growing bruise on the bend of Chan’s jaw, stroking his thumb over it gently. Jeonghan nods before heading towards the kitchen, grabbing an ice pack from the freezer and wrapping it in a tea towel. Jun carefully holds it against the growing bruise, Chan whining a little at the cold but settling with a kiss to his temple, tired eyes remaining shut.

“There we go, little one. We’ll get you feeling better.” Jeonghan says as he returns to Seungcheol’s side, both staring down at their maknae, feeling guilty that he has to deal with so much when he’s just so young. There’s no doubt that he’s strong, he’s probably stronger than the rest of them combined, but he shouldn’t have to be.

*

Soonyoung gets back to the dorm at ten o’clock with Jihoon after recording his parts in ‘Bring It.’ He toes off his shoes in the hallway, taking his jacket off and hanging it up on the hook behind the door, for once, before he notes the strange atmosphere they’ve just walked into. The dorm is absolutely, pin-drop, silent - no TV, no music, no screeching. And it’s weird. There’s usually at least three different things going on in Seventeen’s dorm, making various levels of noise from mildly irritating to downright thunder. But this - silence - is almost never heard.

Jihoon is already walking into the living room to find out what’s happened, sensing the weird ambience as well, but he quickly spins on his heel to grab Soonyoung when he figures out what’s going on. Soonyoung follows him blindly, his eyes instantly darting to the sofa where Chan is curled up on his side, his purple blanket tucked around his body as he shivers. There are dried tear tracks on his cheeks and down the side of his neck and his hair is a tangled mess on the top of his head. There’s what looks to be a burn on his right cheek and ice is being held against his jaw. He looks exhausted.

He’s flanked by Minghao and Junhui; Jun unceasingly running his palm up and down the length of Chan’s spine, Minghao squeezing his ankles to the same rhythm. Jeonghan and Seungcheol are sat on the coffee table opposite him, a half-full glass of water between them, and Hansol and Seungkwan are watching on wide-eyed from where they’re curled up in the armchair.

“Look who’s home, pumpkin.” Jun whispers to Chan, fingernails scratching at the back of his neck fondly. There’s a bit of a delay between Chan processing his words through his tired brain and his eye flicking up to see Soonyoung coming towards him. It takes another moment for him to really comprehend that Soonyoung’s finally home, and then his face is crumpling and his eyes are filling with tears. Chan’s arms escape the blanket in favour of reaching out to Soonyoung, fingers grasping at the material of his T-shirt as soon as he gets close enough.

“Oh, Channie.” Soonyoung sighs as he kneels down beside the sofa and wraps Chan up in his arms, the boy’s tears soaking through the collar of his top. Soonyoung hides his face in the side of Chan’s head as the younger’s body racks with sobs, and Soonyoung feels immediately horrible. He always feels awful when he’s not there for Chan when he needs him, whether it be a panic attack or just needing a hug.

“Baby boy, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to help you,” Soonyoung mumbles against Chan’s sweaty forehead, pressing a kiss to the damp skin immediately after his words. Chan begins to squirm on the sofa, feet trying to find enough purchase to propel himself off and into Soonyoung’s arms. He’s not really getting anywhere on his own with his tired and feeble legs, so Soonyoung yanks at his shoulder and pulls him forward until he’s sprawled across his hyung’s lap. He immediately scrambles to press his face against Soonyoung’s collarbone, hands fisting in his T-shirt and legs wrapping around Soonyoung’s waist. “I’ve got you, I’m here now. You’re okay.” Soonyoung rubs his palm over Chan’s curved spine, his other hand on the back of his head, lovingly brushing out the knots and tangles from his soft hair.

Chan settles down after a few minutes of cuddling, too exhausted to get upset again, feeling as though he’s cried himself dry of tears. Soonyoung meets Minghao’s eyes, who winces, silently telling Soonyoung that it hasn’t been a great few hours. “Let’s get you to bed, Channie.” Soonyoung punctuates this with a kiss to the top of his head.

Chan grumbles a little bit but lets Seungcheol lift him from the floor, immediately taking Soonyoung’s hand once he’s stood up and offers it to Chan. “Love you, hyung.” Chan mumbles, tipping forwards into Soonyoung’s arms once he’s on his feet. Soonyoung immediately wraps him up in a hug, one hand on the back of his head.

“I love you so much, baby. My little trooper.”

In the past, Soonyoung always tried to get Chan to eat something after his panic attacks, to get his energy back up, but he’s stopped upon realising how sick it made him feel. Nausea was generally a symptom of Chan’s anxiety, and Soonyoung would never want to make him feel any worse than he already does when he’s anxious. Instead, he just focuses on getting Chan calm, comfy, and asleep.

Soonyoung wraps an arm around Chan’s waist and starts to lead him towards their bedroom, focused on getting him into some clothes not marred by sweat and vomit and tucked up in bed, preferably in his arms. Chan’s steps are small and shaky, but he leans his weight on Soonyoung who gladly supports him, as he always does. Chan drops his head to Soonyoung’s shoulder when he begins to feel a little dizzy despite not even having made it into the corridor.

“We’ll be through in a minute.” Minghao tells Soonyoung before turning to Junhui, who has tears in his eyes but is trying to blink them away. “Are you alright?” Minghao asks quietly, privately, dropping Chan’s blanket in favour of cradling Jun’s face in his palms. He guides Jun to turn around, his back facing the rest of the room, knowing that he doesn’t like making a show when he’s upset.

“Don’t worry about me.” Junhui replies, his voice choked, as he shakes his head, trying his best to hold himself together. He’s so used to being strong that he finds it difficult to let himself be vulnerable, despite how much he loves and trusts his members, even more so when someone else is struggling as well

Minghao furrows his eyebrows. “I’m always going to worry about you.” Junhui’s face crumbles, his tears spilling over. “Come here, gē.” Minghao whispers, switching over to Mandarin as he pulls Jun towards him, fitting his chin into the curve of Minghao’s shoulder. Minghao holds him tight as he begins to tremble.

“It’s just so hard to see him in so much pain.” Jun stutters out, words muffled by Minghao’s shirt.

“I know baby.” Minghao coos, scratching gently at Junhui’s scalp with his short fingernails. Junhui sniffles before pulling away from Minghao, wiping away the tears that have fallen onto his cheeks with quivering fingers. Minghao smiles at him, reassuringly.

“I just need to cuddle him a bit, then I’ll be okay.” Junhui says, and Minghao can’t help but grin at him fondly at him, leaning up to press a kiss against his damp cheek.

“Okay, we can do that. Could you grab his water?”

When they get to the performance unit bedroom, Soonyoung has gotten Chan changed into a pair of his comfy shorts and one of Jun’s T-shirts that hangs off his shoulders. Junhui smiles at the sight. Soonyoung is sat on one edge of the bed with Chan perched on his lap, a small, tired smile on his face as Soonyoung rubs circles into his back with one hand. The other one is carefully hovering over a couple of the bruises on Chan’s leg from where he’d bashed himself about a bit. He really looks like he’s been in the wars.

“There you are.” Soonyoung says, choosing not to mention the tear stains on Jun’s cheeks and Minghao’s protective hand on his hip. “Junhui, you’re in the middle.” He says, instead, waiting for Jun to lie down in the middle of their double bed on his back before letting Chan loose to crawl over to him, sprawling across his chest.

Chan notices Jun’s tears and frowns adorably as he presses a series of kisses to Jun’s cheekbones before lying down properly, his face pressed to Jun’s throat, nose tucked against his Adam's apple. Soonyoung and Minghao tuck Chan’s blanket around them before lying on either side of the pair and pulling the duvet up and over all of them They both lay flat palms on Chan’s back, keeping him safely cocooned between them all.

“Chan-ah~” Soonyoung hums, Chan turning his head to look at his hyung. “If you’re feeling up to it, could you … tell us what got you so worked up?” Chan gives him a small smile and a gentle nod before he speaks up, his voice still a little raw.

“It was just a bad day, hyung. Just- things went wrong the tiniest bit but I was over-sensitive and got anxious. I promise I’m fine other than that.” Chan explains, and they’re all a little relieved to know that there wasn’t something specific that had set Chan off, but also a little frustrated that there’s no quick fix to the situation, no real way of stopping it from happening again. “I feel so much better now.” Chan adds as a whisper, bumping Soonyoung’s nose with his own, nuzzling his cheek against Jun’s chest, then turning his head to rest his forehead against Minghao’s.

“Good,” Minghao whispers back. “Now get some sleep, Chan-ah. We know you’re exhausted.” Chan smiles at him once more before returning his head to Jun’s shoulder and promptly falling asleep, wrapped up and safe, surrounded by his favourite people.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed!
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](https://hattieie.tumblr.com)


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